Setting boundaries

The shields that protect

In life there often comes times where you have to set boundaries, whether it be with: friends, co-workers, spouses, or family. But, what exactly are these boundaries, and what do they do?

Boundaries are a set of rules or conditions that you set, kind of like a defensive structure, in order to protect yourself, or to prevent unwanted things from happening with or to you as a result of people doing things you don’t want. They can look different and they can be different in many ways, but usually they always come with a clause: overstep the boundaries and a defensive action will be triggered to prevent any further overstepping.

This can for instance be when a loved one acts in ways that make you uncomfortable, hurts you, or does not respect your needs and wants. For instance, “Please do not talk about that topic to me, it hurts my feelings and makes me uncomfortable.” followed by “If you do choose to disrespect my boundaries then I will cut off communication and I will not talk to you any further.”

This is a classic example of a boundary and a condition. Overstep it, and face the consequences.

There are cases where individuals might choose not to respect the boundaries you have set, therefore it is important to be very firm on your conditions, otherwise they might continue to overstep and cause you more harm. And what about if they never respect boundaries, what if they just continue? Then it is needed to take more drastic steps. It is important to know that if somebody does really care about you and respect you, then they will respect your boundaries. Remember, people do make mistakes, but they don’t get to do it without limits.

It is important to know that there is nothing wrong with boundaries, and that you have the right to protect yourself from anybody and anything, nobody can tell you not to protect yourself. Boundaries are part of a healthy life, and they are needed.